i know you can't, precious Ernzy...2/24/2006

Ernzy...i don't know the words to say.
how i still cannot believe you are gone
how i try to plan for this day, but there is nothing to stop the onslaught of renewed grief
you are irreplacable, my precious Ernzy...and i will never stop missing you.
your smile and laugh
your love for the precious kiki's
your booming voice...

i just can't find the words this year, Ernzy, i keep tripping over my own thoughts,
can't type correctly.

i know i don't want to cry again, remember again, and the thought going over and over in my heart "it can't be...it just can't be!"
the same thought i had when Nattie first told me you were gone.
how can i have lost both you and Dad this way?

i feel you with me each and every day and i know i will see you again, when time drops away and there will be no such word as 'goodbye' ~ forever more...

i'm usually so careful about my wording and phrasing in my blog, but i'm just going to leave this here...raw, uncrafted and without polish.

i miss you, Ernzy, with a grief to fill oceans...

i
have and will
love
you
for
always, Ernzy.

if only you could come back to me...

come back to me, Ernzy.
please come back...