Tuesday, December 30
it is so very easy to walk away from God.
it takes just a moment.
all we have to do is close the door in our hearts, turn our backs and walk away.
most believers have walked away at one point or another...
i believe the most prevalent reason is that we became disappointed, disillusioned and eventually, bitter.
the most painful times in my walk with Abba Father have occurred when i cry out desperately for a particular prayer to be answered and though reassured i am asking in accordance with His Will, and reassured by my closest friends that God can do anything...that nothing is impossible for God ~
He says no.
just like that.
not "NEVER"
but no for now...
or sometimes He says "soon" (which as Abba knows, is incredibly frustrating to hear!)
perhaps we're in a failing marriage and have decided to stay committed, our feet rooted to the floor of our home, determined to hold on and wait for God to refresh and rejuvenate our relationship.
we won't run away.
until...
the pain keeps building and building and building and in our pain, from the gaping wound we call our marriage, when we fall, gasping for breath, in anger we refuse the hand God extends to pull us back up.
maybe because we know God will give us the ability to endure and endure some more.
and we become tired of the pain, we become frustrated and then the words we thought we would never say,
bubble to the surface:
NO MORE!
we feel we can't and don't want to hold on...
we are tired of praying for the same thing when nothing seems to change.
and we know that our Abba Father is going to say, "hold on..."
and those are the words we can no longer bear to hear.
we all wonder why God says no or nothing at all, during real times of crisis.
we wonder where He is,
did He take a vacation?
or is He there but just doesn't care enough about our pain to help us?
and in our pain and bitterness over our desperate, (seemingly) unanswered prayers,
we walk away from the Father who doesn't seem to care enough to help us in the worst times of our lives.
so we close the door.
we say it's over
maybe we say "screw you!"
and just like that,
it's over.
and we walk away...
(i love that line in "Bruce Almighty" where he yells at God and tells Him that He could fix all of his problems in 5 minutes...
i think i've actually said that to God before!)
on some level, we know that going back to God means more pain, more trials and we don't want to willingly suffer anymore.
and honestly, that's the truth.
that to be a Christian means there will be suffering for His sake...because we've chosen to "drink from the same cup" as Jesus did...
the cup of sorrow and sacrifice...
it means facing rejection from the world and ferocious persecution from satan.
it means bearing our own crosses so that we can follow in the precious footsteps of Jesus.
loving and talking and spending time with our Abba Father is so priceless yet it is so costly at the same time.
our walk with Him, eschewing the world and satan, staying close to His side, following His Word
and making ourselves vulnerable and accessible to Jesus and the Holy Spirit ~
just plain sucks sometimes.
it hurts.
the very moment we ask Jesus into our hearts and lives, to be our Lord and Savior,
is just like painting a red bulls eye on our front and back.
we are instantly a target for satan and his legions of demoniac followers.
he hates us beyond anything we can imagine and it is his sole aim to destroy us all.
to make sure we stay very far away from God.
to make us incapable of hoping anymore...of believing anymore.
we are prey, to put it plainly.
and until we all go Home, that never changes...
so, okay, following after God/Jesus/Holy Spirit, can really suck sometimes...it can feel as if we're dying in the moment and as if He doesn't hear us or care enough about us to truly help us when we cry out in desperation.
but can i tell you something else?
whatever pain we endure here, is truly not even comparable to the pain and suffering Jesus endured on the Cross for us.
so great is His undying Love...
loving God, staying by His side, keeping our little hand in His is also the only reason worth living for.
i love my children beyond description or explanation, and my Ma and Dad and my sisters, my lil petey, ttt, shawnzy, my god-children and jeff.
i love them above any others on this planet.
but...
here's the difference between loving them all and loving God:
i can't survive without God...
don't mistake me, i have lost so many loved ones and there have been times i could barely get my feet out of bed and i just didn't want to go on living without that person...
but our Abba Father gave me the will and the strength to go on living without them...
He saved me.
(especially after ernzy's death, when i truly wasn't 'making it' at all).
i can live without my loved ones, though i pray that won't happen any time soon or at all...
but i simply cannot live without God.
i wouldn't even want to try...
He is the only One who makes sense out of my life.
He is the reason i go on.
He makes it possible for me to love and care for all the people in my life.
He gives me hope for tomorrow
and peace for today.
i cannot live without God.
so, my dear nomadic friends,
if you have walked away from God, i know you feel a void that can only be filled by Him.
i know you miss Him.
you miss the closeness you had with Him on a daily basis.
i know it.
i know it because every time i've given up on Him, the emptiness i felt was vast and endless.
and you know that you will never have peace again until you return to Him.
no matter if you have attempted to fill yourself up with things or people that the world deems "happiness"...
no matter if you've convinced yourself that living without Him is the right choice.
you know it is not.
come back, dearest friends, come back...
though you may feel as if it's too late or you've done too much damage to yourselves and others ~
it's not too late.
start the new year on Holy footing...
choose Him, for you know He has chosen you.
we can technically survive without God,
but then again, that's not really living, is it?
God
loves
you...
the only question left is,
do you love Him?
it takes just a moment.
all we have to do is close the door in our hearts, turn our backs and walk away.
most believers have walked away at one point or another...
i believe the most prevalent reason is that we became disappointed, disillusioned and eventually, bitter.
the most painful times in my walk with Abba Father have occurred when i cry out desperately for a particular prayer to be answered and though reassured i am asking in accordance with His Will, and reassured by my closest friends that God can do anything...that nothing is impossible for God ~
He says no.
just like that.
not "NEVER"
but no for now...
or sometimes He says "soon" (which as Abba knows, is incredibly frustrating to hear!)
perhaps we're in a failing marriage and have decided to stay committed, our feet rooted to the floor of our home, determined to hold on and wait for God to refresh and rejuvenate our relationship.
we won't run away.
until...
the pain keeps building and building and building and in our pain, from the gaping wound we call our marriage, when we fall, gasping for breath, in anger we refuse the hand God extends to pull us back up.
maybe because we know God will give us the ability to endure and endure some more.
and we become tired of the pain, we become frustrated and then the words we thought we would never say,
bubble to the surface:
NO MORE!
we feel we can't and don't want to hold on...
we are tired of praying for the same thing when nothing seems to change.
and we know that our Abba Father is going to say, "hold on..."
and those are the words we can no longer bear to hear.
we all wonder why God says no or nothing at all, during real times of crisis.
we wonder where He is,
did He take a vacation?
or is He there but just doesn't care enough about our pain to help us?
and in our pain and bitterness over our desperate, (seemingly) unanswered prayers,
we walk away from the Father who doesn't seem to care enough to help us in the worst times of our lives.
so we close the door.
we say it's over
maybe we say "screw you!"
and just like that,
it's over.
and we walk away...
(i love that line in "Bruce Almighty" where he yells at God and tells Him that He could fix all of his problems in 5 minutes...
i think i've actually said that to God before!)
on some level, we know that going back to God means more pain, more trials and we don't want to willingly suffer anymore.
and honestly, that's the truth.
that to be a Christian means there will be suffering for His sake...because we've chosen to "drink from the same cup" as Jesus did...
the cup of sorrow and sacrifice...
it means facing rejection from the world and ferocious persecution from satan.
it means bearing our own crosses so that we can follow in the precious footsteps of Jesus.
loving and talking and spending time with our Abba Father is so priceless yet it is so costly at the same time.
our walk with Him, eschewing the world and satan, staying close to His side, following His Word
and making ourselves vulnerable and accessible to Jesus and the Holy Spirit ~
just plain sucks sometimes.
it hurts.
the very moment we ask Jesus into our hearts and lives, to be our Lord and Savior,
is just like painting a red bulls eye on our front and back.
we are instantly a target for satan and his legions of demoniac followers.
he hates us beyond anything we can imagine and it is his sole aim to destroy us all.
to make sure we stay very far away from God.
to make us incapable of hoping anymore...of believing anymore.
we are prey, to put it plainly.
and until we all go Home, that never changes...
so, okay, following after God/Jesus/Holy Spirit, can really suck sometimes...it can feel as if we're dying in the moment and as if He doesn't hear us or care enough about us to truly help us when we cry out in desperation.
but can i tell you something else?
whatever pain we endure here, is truly not even comparable to the pain and suffering Jesus endured on the Cross for us.
so great is His undying Love...
loving God, staying by His side, keeping our little hand in His is also the only reason worth living for.
i love my children beyond description or explanation, and my Ma and Dad and my sisters, my lil petey, ttt, shawnzy, my god-children and jeff.
i love them above any others on this planet.
but...
here's the difference between loving them all and loving God:
i can't survive without God...
don't mistake me, i have lost so many loved ones and there have been times i could barely get my feet out of bed and i just didn't want to go on living without that person...
but our Abba Father gave me the will and the strength to go on living without them...
He saved me.
(especially after ernzy's death, when i truly wasn't 'making it' at all).
i can live without my loved ones, though i pray that won't happen any time soon or at all...
but i simply cannot live without God.
i wouldn't even want to try...
He is the only One who makes sense out of my life.
He is the reason i go on.
He makes it possible for me to love and care for all the people in my life.
He gives me hope for tomorrow
and peace for today.
i cannot live without God.
so, my dear nomadic friends,
if you have walked away from God, i know you feel a void that can only be filled by Him.
i know you miss Him.
you miss the closeness you had with Him on a daily basis.
i know it.
i know it because every time i've given up on Him, the emptiness i felt was vast and endless.
and you know that you will never have peace again until you return to Him.
no matter if you have attempted to fill yourself up with things or people that the world deems "happiness"...
no matter if you've convinced yourself that living without Him is the right choice.
you know it is not.
come back, dearest friends, come back...
though you may feel as if it's too late or you've done too much damage to yourselves and others ~
it's not too late.
start the new year on Holy footing...
choose Him, for you know He has chosen you.
we can technically survive without God,
but then again, that's not really living, is it?
God
loves
you...
the only question left is,
do you love Him?
Saturday, December 20
yesterday morning i woke up crying.
i had the worst dream about one of my daughters...
she was in a fire, badly burned and was dying because of it.
she knew she was dying and she tried to make it easier for me.
even though it hurt her, she smiled at me and said:
"it's okay, momma, we'll see each other again in Heaven."
i had the worst dream about one of my daughters...
she was in a fire, badly burned and was dying because of it.
she knew she was dying and she tried to make it easier for me.
even though it hurt her, she smiled at me and said:
"it's okay, momma, we'll see each other again in Heaven."
i woke up sobbing and was so glad it wasn't real
that i had to stumble down the hall to see her precious little face...
i could barely talk through my tears as i tried to explain i'd had a bad dream.
that i had to stumble down the hall to see her precious little face...
i could barely talk through my tears as i tried to explain i'd had a bad dream.
i just hugged her and told her over and over how much i loved her,
how much she meant to me...
the sad truth is
how much she meant to me...
the sad truth is
because we live, we also must die...
and though i understand with my mind that death is just a part of the cycle of life,
i've begun to hate death.
i hate it.
i hate loss.
i really do.
i hate the parting that comes between us all, in the moment we pass away from this world.
i hate the staggering pain.
the complete enormity of it all.
of being left behind.
of struggling beneath the agony just to get out of bed and keep going...
if you asked me what i look forward to most in Heaven,
(outside of spending eternity with my Abba Father, Brother Jesus and the precious Holy Spirit)
my answer is always the same:
Death will be no more.
no more loss.
the word "goodbye" will no longer be a part of our vocabulary,
and i will never again be left behind grieving for the people i've lost,
for stolen moments,
stolen years.
can you imagine a world without pain...without loss?
that is what awaits each child of God.
no more grief
no more sorrow
no more tears...
to know for once and for all,
that Life has won over Death,
that Good has won over Evil
that our precious Father has triumphed over Satan,
and the Holy War is over at long last.
and when Jesus returns, He'll say the most precious words:
let's go Home...
i love it.
i really do.
and though i understand with my mind that death is just a part of the cycle of life,
i've begun to hate death.
i hate it.
i hate loss.
i really do.
i hate the parting that comes between us all, in the moment we pass away from this world.
i hate the staggering pain.
the complete enormity of it all.
of being left behind.
of struggling beneath the agony just to get out of bed and keep going...
if you asked me what i look forward to most in Heaven,
(outside of spending eternity with my Abba Father, Brother Jesus and the precious Holy Spirit)
my answer is always the same:
Death will be no more.
no more loss.
the word "goodbye" will no longer be a part of our vocabulary,
and i will never again be left behind grieving for the people i've lost,
for stolen moments,
stolen years.
can you imagine a world without pain...without loss?
that is what awaits each child of God.
no more grief
no more sorrow
no more tears...
to know for once and for all,
that Life has won over Death,
that Good has won over Evil
that our precious Father has triumphed over Satan,
and the Holy War is over at long last.
and when Jesus returns, He'll say the most precious words:
let's go Home...
i love it.
i really do.
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