i know you can't, precious Ernzy...2/24/2006

Ernzy...i don't know the words to say.
how i still cannot believe you are gone
how i try to plan for this day, but there is nothing to stop the onslaught of renewed grief
you are irreplacable, my precious Ernzy...and i will never stop missing you.
your smile and laugh
your love for the precious kiki's
your booming voice...

i just can't find the words this year, Ernzy, i keep tripping over my own thoughts,
can't type correctly.

i know i don't want to cry again, remember again, and the thought going over and over in my heart "it can't be...it just can't be!"
the same thought i had when Nattie first told me you were gone.
how can i have lost both you and Dad this way?

i feel you with me each and every day and i know i will see you again, when time drops away and there will be no such word as 'goodbye' ~ forever more...

i'm usually so careful about my wording and phrasing in my blog, but i'm just going to leave this here...raw, uncrafted and without polish.

i miss you, Ernzy, with a grief to fill oceans...

i
have and will
love
you
for
always, Ernzy.

if only you could come back to me...

come back to me, Ernzy.
please come back...

if...

Sara: And if I were to go?

Harris: All I know is, on the day your plane was to leave, if I had the power, I would turn the winds around, I would roll in the fog, I would bring in storms, I would change the polarity of the earth so compasses couldn't work, so your plane couldn't take off.

(from L.A. Story - one of my very favorite films...)

the devotion for today...

VERSE:
"I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."
-- Psalm 59:16

THOUGHT:
So many things in our lives can be stolen away by natural disasters, aging, and death.
Satan could be appropriately called "The Thief of Always."
But God is immovable and "unstealable"!
We can invest ourselves in him and know our spirits are secure in his care.
He is a fortress and a refuge.

PRAYER:
O Great Rock of my salvation, thank you for being unchangeable and faithful.
Thank you for being the source of security and future in a day of chaos and change.
Thank you for being God.
You are my God and in you I place my life, my hopes, and my future.
May you be glorified in me today.
In Jesus name I pray.
Amen.