"I have never seen a more bitter and hopeless couple.
They sat in front of me, each accusing the other of the most serious offenses.
Not only that, they were both telling me their own sides of the stories of how the police had been
called out several times to break up fights.
Both of them had been arrested and charged with spousal abuse.
Theirs is a very sad story but let me tell you how it began.
They met while each of them was married to someone else.
They didn’t work in the same company, but they did business together.
Their working relationship put them in close proximity to one another on a regular basis.
They both had issues in their marriages that they weren’t dealing with properly.
Each of them admitted this later in counseling as they lamented how they wished they had
worked harder on their first marriages.
Because they weren’t dealing with their marriage problems properly and were coming to work
with unmet needs and offenses toward their spouses, they were set up for an affair and it happened.
At first, like all affairs, they lied about it and kept it covered up.
For months they planned secret liaisons where they met and had sex.
Finally, “in love” and convinced they had met their “soul mates”, they dropped the bombshell
and both announced to their spouses, children, families and friends that they had been having an
affair and were divorcing to marry each other.
As you can imagine, it was devastating to everyone and many people tried to talk them out of it.
It didn’t work.
They both chanted the same mantra for months after the announcement.
“We are in love and have never been so happy”, they would reply when questioned by friends or family.
Of course, the worst part of the story was the children.
In spite of how they tried to explain everything to them, the kids never accepted it.
Despite all the attempts to stop them, their affair turned into a marriage.
With their hopes high and a trail of broken hearts in their wake they began their new lives together.
Of course, over time, the sex became mundane and the problems they had tried to run from in their first marriages resurfaced.
Also, just like in their first marriages, they blamed each other and refused to change.
But unlike their first marriages, their anger at each other became explosive.
They both now blamed the other for destroying their first marriages and their lives.
Their fights were so violent at times that they were arrested and had to be treated at the hospital. Interestingly, the person who put them in the hospital was their “soul mate” they were willing to
leave their previous marriage for.
Hmmmm.
The point of this story is this: Don’t run from problems in life or marriage because they will follow
you and get worse.
You can’t run from God or yourself; and refusing to confront difficult issues and take personal responsibility creates a pattern of weakness in our lives that we also model to our children.
The best marriages are those with the best work ethic.
When you’re having problems, roll up you sleeves and work it out.
Don’t go to work or online and look for a replacement for your spouse.
It never works.
The story I have just told you illustrates the harsh reality of what can happen when we run from our problems.
The grass always looks greener on the other side until you get there.
Unfortunately, that is also when you look back at where you came from and realize the grass was much greener than you thought it was.
Blessings,
Jimmy Evans"
(from "Marriage Today" by Jimmy & Karen Evans)
