i don't really know why there are days when it feels as if Nattie just told me you were gone, Ernzy...
why the pain feels brand new and i'm drowning in it...
why listening to your favorite song by Neil Diamond makes me feel as if you're in the room with me...
or the last time you sang it to me...
"love on the rocks"...
it's a perfect song for you, my Ernzy...
there's an actor that starred on SVU once...
he looks just like you, Ernzy...and this year it hurt just to look at him.
i really need you to come back to me, Ernzy...i know you can't...but there's stuff on this planet that doesn't make sense without you.
and our good memories are choking my heart today and i want to visit you, but i haven't been back since the memorial/burial.
not once, Ernzy and i need you to know that it isn't because i don't want to...i just can't go there...i can't do it...
i love you so much, Ernzy, so very very very much...
i know we'll see each other again when i go Home - but until then, beloved brother of mine, please know this song's for you...for today...for all the yesterdays we had together...and for all the tomorrow's we will have in Heaven.
your Lainey forever and ever and ever. . .
