this one's for you, Ernzy...

i don't really know why there are days when it feels as if Nattie just told me you were gone, Ernzy...

why the pain feels brand new and i'm drowning in it...

why listening to your favorite song by Neil Diamond makes me feel as if you're in the room with me...
or the last time you sang it to me...
"love on the rocks"...
it's a perfect song for you, my Ernzy...

there's an actor that starred on SVU once...
he looks just like you, Ernzy...and this year it hurt just to look at him.

i really need you to come back to me, Ernzy...i know you can't...but there's stuff on this planet that doesn't make sense without you.

and our good memories are choking my heart today and i want to visit you, but i haven't been back since the memorial/burial.
not once, Ernzy and i need you to know that it isn't because i don't want to...i just can't go there...i can't do it...

i love you so much, Ernzy, so very very very much...

i know we'll see each other again when i go Home - but until then, beloved brother of mine, please know this song's for you...for today...for all the yesterdays we had together...and for all the tomorrow's we will have in Heaven.

your Lainey forever and ever and ever. . .

ever thine...

for those of us who love someone and are loved in return -
measure for measure,
we can call ourselves blessed...

for those of us who love someone who does not love us back -
if we've truly given of ourselves,
we can live without regret...

and for those of us who love only ourselves -
in the end,
we are the lonely ones...

for myself,
i'd rather love with all my heart and be turned away -
than never take the risk at all...

Happy Valentine's day to us all!

Mercy...how dearly we need this each day!

"What great blessings there are for the people that give mercy to other people! Mercy will be given to them." — Matthew 5:7 (ERV)

Key Thought:

God has treated us much, much better than we deserve. 
That fundamental, undergirding spiritual truth is the reality of grace. 
He has seen us in our sin and had mercy on us because of his great love for us (see Rom. 5:6-11). 
Even though we have repeatedly proved unfaithful and undependable, both individually and as a group, God has been gracious and merciful. 
He has repeatedly offered forgiveness, help, redemption, and salvation when we least deserved it. 
Rather than dealing with us strictly as law would demand, God has dealt with us as a loving father does with his children.
This conditioning reality must show up in us. 
How can we claim to be his children and not be merciful?
How can we call for retribution against our brothers and sisters, when fairness would demand we pay a great penalty for our sin?
In the Kingdom Family, mercy rules. 
When that mercy is forgotten by us, then God has promised to use our standard of mercilessness when he judges us. 
Yet as long as we are merciful to others, God will show us mercy.

Today's Prayer:

Holy and righteous Father, I confess that I often want justice when I am violated and mercy when I sin. 
Thank you for not treating me as I deserve, but instead providing Jesus to be the atoning sacrifice that extends your mercy to me and fulfills your justice on my behalf. 
Soften my heart that I may reflect your grace and mercy in my dealings with those who have injured me. 
In the precious name of Jesus I pray. 
Amen.

(the original devotion can be found at www.heartlight.org)