When we RAGE...

i call it "hulking".
there's a difference between rage and raging.
rage is something you feel
while raging is something you do.

rage comes from deep, intense pain.
first we feel the pain then we make a choice.

i love the Incredible Hulk as an example.
he has triggers,
moments before he hulks,
stepping stones that lead him to the worst of himself.

for those of us, and there are so many of us, who have
lived through trauma/abuse, if we don't deal with the pain
we can easily slip into the 'hulking'...
it almost feels effortless.
that's a great word for it, because it actually takes immense strength to stay
still with the pain and not let it move past the pain into full-blown rage.

'staying still with the pain'...
allowing ourselves to relive the past or experience the pain of what someone
has just done to us or to those we love, without acting on that pain in a angry/violent manner.

because rage comes from trauma, what we suffered through often made us feel powerless.
and when we 'hulk', we feel powerful...just the opposite of the overwhelming helplessness
we endured.
when i have chosen to rage in the past, i know personally that i experience a certain
fearlessness that feels wonderful in the moment.
i am unafraid.
i am powerful.
i can destroy anyone or anything in my path.

but it's a lie,
a myth,
an illusion
or delusion.

when i rage, i am not powerful....i am weak.
i am weak when i choose to lose control.
and the damage i wreak is beyond description.

here are some basic things i've learned over the course of the last 8 years...i pray you find them healing and helpful:


~the #1 reason i am a 'recovering' rager rather than a 'practicing' rager~

is GOD and GOD alone.
He is the only one that can truly change me from the inside out.
any success i've had so far, is directly attributed to our Father.
i praise Him for healing, renovating, and teaching me all about rage
and how to manage and heal it.

Father, i give all glory and praise to You...



~triggers - all ragers have them~

name calling, cursing, pointing, yelling, speaking after becoming angry, threatening, interrupting, sarcasm, staring/glaring, throwing things, aggressive touching, re-living our 'glory days' of former raging episodes, eye-rolling, criticizing and angry driving.
(taken from http://www.rage-anon.org/RA_What_to_do_right_now.htm)


~though i've often felt like a monster when i have raged, that doesn't make me a monster~

or someone beyond which cannot be saved, someone who is incapable of change.
i'm different now...new...healing...striving...and i am lovable not condemned.


~my 'complaint department' is open at all times for those i've wounded~

i don't make excuses or place blame on others if the blame is only mine to take.
i am responsible for any raging and damage i've done...i fully 'eat and own' any wrongs i've committed in anger.


~every day is a brand new start...a new beginning~

i'm grateful for God's forgiveness and His ability to give me another chance. i am responsible to make the most out of the time afforded to me.


~"no repentance - no relationship"~

a quote the Holy Spirit gave me.
it means that if i have wronged another or they have wronged me, unless there is true repentance there can be no true healing and therefore no relationship.
without sincere repentance, there is nothing to say and nothing left to do but pray and love them from 'afar'...
this is true for us all.


~there is always hope!!!~

regardless of past ragings/failures, there is always hope of healing and recovery...
noone can take that hope away!


"For surely there is a future and your hope will not be cut off."
{Psalms 23:18}