most of all...

i feel:

young
alert
new
alive
delicate
awake
in awe
watched over
protected
cherished
held

i feel these things when i am sitting in the palm of my Father's hand...


i feel:

afraid
unsure
insufficient
dull
nervous
fragile
frail
selfish
untrue
cold
alone

i feel these things when i am using my own 'fuel' to live...
when i'm attempting to be the captain of this ship...trying to steer my own 'course'.
when i refuse to let our Abba Father be in control.
when i grow weary...
tired of waiting...
and possibly afraid of all my prayers being answered.

that last one is a powerful one...i can feel it resonate against the walls of my heart.

do i truly want my prayers answered?

i do want my Christian family reunited and rebound with the cords of God's love and salvation.
i do want us all to worship under the same roof again.
i do want the necessary surgery and subsequent healing to come to fruition...

do i still believe that God can and will fulfill His promises?
do i still believe that God can do the impossible?
do i still want Him to?

yes...i do.