"Break away"

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

[Bridge]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

~by kelly clarkson~

anyway...

i just finished watching "The Upside of Anger", and
i've been thinking about my last doctor's visit:
"This will kill you, we just don't know when..."
it makes now...today...so very vivid and important. . .

today i swam in cheney's pool for the first time...
loving the cool water, friendly faces and the diving boards.
they have a high diving board and a low one...'we gotta go, mom' said my girls and because i hate
being afraid of anything, i said 'yes!'
so together we waited in line and when it was my turn, i felt the old fears from when i was younger.
but i climbed the ladder and walked out onto the skinny board, with my heart hammering loudly until i was at the end and i did it.
i jumped.
my girls clapped and went after me and i did 3 more times on the high and once on the low.

the noises, the voices, the rules to follow, the excitement and fears, taking turns being brave than afraid,
the unknown where you're just falling and falling and the relief of coming to the surface again, just breathing and smiling...
that's what life is, i think.

i've tried to be brave in telling others how much i love them,
being careful not to waste the moment...
sometimes they love you back and sometimes they don't,
but it matters, to say it anyways.

i think the words of the new martina mcbride song say it best...

ANYWAY

"You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yea - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway"

independence....Apart from Him

when Jesus says:
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:4-6
it is a literal interpretation as well as metaphorical.
we can do nothing without relying completely on Him.

no matter how self-reliant this world teaches us to be,
independence does not equal strength.
self-reliance is actually the opposite of God's teaching in the Word.
if we could do it all just by depending on ourselves,
then why did Jesus need to die for us?
if it was all up to us, who would need Him?

we all need to come to the place where we look
Heavenward and ask God to take the reins,
admitting that we don't know what we're doing,
and asking for help...

on our own and apart from Jesus, we can do no lasting good.
i am a perfect example of this...
each time i have 'leaned upon my own understanding',
i have screwed up my life and my relationships.
maybe not right away, but given enough time
my so-called self-reliance will cause damages galore.

it's true for us all.
let me put it another way...
we suck on our own!

i cannot succeed without leaning on Jesus...
oh sure, i might be okay at first, but ultimately i'd become the titanic,
sinking me and everyone else with me.

each time i tell God to scoot over and i take the wheel, i end up failing
and hurting myself and the people i love the most.
then God waits for me to surrender control and He quietly takes over again.

so how about a little less relying on yourself and a little more relying on Him?
'cuz you might survive on your own without Him,
but you would never truly live...

* Proverbs 3:4-6
* I Timothy 1:15