deprivation...

hi to all,

wanted to discuss the counseling for a bit...as i've already shared, i'm in counseling to try and cope with the recent death of my brother.

it's going well...it's hard but it's moving forward bit by bit.

here's what i've learned so far:

i'm brave, courageous for all i've endured...a survivor.

i love the t.v. show "Starting Over"...it deals with women who are struggling and asking for help.

one of the "life-coach's" asked a young woman just one simple question:
"what were you deprived of in your childhood?"
and that tender young woman just broke down and cried...so did i.

i asked myself the same question and the answer came immediately - safety...
i was deprived of safety and protection.
i never really felt safe in my childhood.
i survived living from fear to fear.
when something wonderful would happen or someone would tell me they loved me,
i was always thinking "it's too good to be true" and was always waiting for "the other shoe to drop"
it was not safe for me to love someone and/or let them love me...

several years ago, i met a wonderful young man with an amazing sense of humor...someone who looked at me - really looked at me and loved me completely.
just loved me for me...it was an amazing gift and truthfully the only time in my life where i was loved and valued for just being me...no bells or whistles, just me and i will never forget it.

that amazing young man divorced me and married another...and despite it all, i will love him always.

maybe i won't ever feel fully safe until we go Home...but at least i'm still going...after all, i'm a courageous survivor, aren't i?

with all my love and especially to M and J,

Laineyrose